I Did Not Want To Sympathislze With Paul In This Way

Hey hey hey everyone! Coming live from the fringe zone of southern hospitality, it's Elder McMullin! As always, feel free to send me any ban notices or free skincare products, and I would love to deal with them. Anyways, without further ado, here we go!

This week has been pretty bad. There are a multitude of stories to tell, best broken up by the mildly offensive nicknames I have graciously given our newfound enemies. First up is....

Cracker Barrel: me and my comp were prossing a sketchy Lil strip mall called JANAF when a guy comes out of the vape shop we just passed. He takes one look at us and yells "Hey crackers!" Confused, we turn back around to see this guy. He then called us "saltine class" and walks away. The best part is he had the skin disease Michael Jackson had, so he was halfway white already.

Bootycheeks basher: I was at a local grocery store (Harris teeter), when I met this really cool lady named Anna. I was halfway through finding her when some twitchy guy just stands by us. I thought nothing of it until he cut in my baptismal introduction with "Erm, where do you get your authority to baptize?" and a smirk. His smirk quickly fell when I answered him and Anna was MORE interested in my message. This little parry-his-question-and-then-teach-a-principle game went on for a little while until Anna had to leave and Rinquest cussed the annoying little man out.

Paula Blart: We were proselytizing our local Walmart like we have many times before when I see a cop standing out in front of the store. Now, the other elders had warned us that they were being aggressive, but cops were usually there and didn't bother us. This one however, scoped me out and flagged me down in the parking lot. She then threatened to arrest me under charge of trespassing if I didn't give her a name to call to stop us. Seeing as there wasn't one, I tossed out Mission HQ in SLC (much to my own humor) and I thought I almost got out of it. However, Elder Rinquest then got involved and was a little more aggressive than I was, meaning we got served two 2-year bans from all Walmart properties. Oddly specific time, eh? However, several other missionaries have similar bans and still shop without a hitch, so I should be clear. Hopefully.

Anyways, despite the growing animosity to us, the work continues to soar. We have a baptism coming up next week, and another on the chamber for the week after, which is super exciting! People keep coming to church, the ward is friendly, and as long as I steer clear of the Norfolk Walmart and racist melanomic brothas, I should be good!

From your favorite retail criminal,

Elder McMullin

Photos!

1: My mayonnaise went bad, so I had to pick some up from *drumroll* 7-Eleven!

2: Poor Elder Delaney. Curiosity got the better of him.

3: definitely not some goobers in our apartment "commandeering" a broken handicap sign.

4: My Walmart disguise. I think Clark Kent would be proud.

5: I love how Walmart has a graphic design for this. Like, how often does it happen?!

6: we all made a different type of pasta one night. Mine is the best looking (obviously).




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