I Am The Greatest Hoe In North Carolina

Well howdy again everyone! Coming live from the windswept and ice blasted Eastern Seaboard, it's Elder McMullin! As always, if you'd like to send me a new dryer or some Prozac, please feel free to do so and I will happily accept. But, without further ado, here we go!

   I'm just going to come out and say it, this week was the best/worst I've had on the mission and of my life. I'm going to be breaking my usual style of writing (which should key you in on just HOW bad it's been) in order to really help you feel the insanity E. City's been up to. For starters:

Monday was District P day with Albermarle, meaning 3 hours of Magic: The Gathering mostly against our will and bowling. I won the first game with a whopping 102 or something like that, before getting wrecked by Elder Walker and his five strikes. Plus, our LMP fell through, which sucked.

Tuesday was much much worse. District council got off without a hitch, then Albermarle revealed that their car was going into the shop that day. Turns out, they broke the grille shutter guard and it was a 7+ hour repair, while E city's biggest storm yet loomed near. After receiving no help from the ZLs about what to do (it was a nice "do what the spirit tells ya" kind of message) we squadbombed with them for the day, driving across their area to get to a lesson and finding in the snow, which somehow garnered 4 new people and some snowy memories. Because of the snow, we let Albermarle stay the night, which plugs into:

Wednesday was Zone conference, a lil hour and a half drive from us when I couldn't find my drivers license. So, Elder Juncker has to drive in our fresh 4 inches of snow when I start getting messages from president. Apparently, he saw saw the video we sent to the Zone about finding people even in tough times, and started interrogating me about why Albermarle was staying the night- a practice he is not very fond of. This culminates in a terrifying Zone Conference where I'm worried I'm going to be killed or worse- sent to the Raleigh mission- because a friend of a friend tipped me off that Pres was pissed. After the whole shebang though, I learned I WAS THE ONE WHO TIPPED OFF THE FRIEND OF A FRIEND meaning my many hours of heartburn and planning more days in NC were in vain.

Thursday got started normally, except Elder Juncker didn't have any pros to wear. You see, he was trying to clean some, but our dryer finally gave up the ghost with his wet laundry in it. The solution? Grab an extension cord and some darts to make the most crusty clothesline of all time and dry em out the good ol-fashioned way. Currently this is still the system. However, we managed to swing by an inactive's house in currituck, have a bomb lesson with Cody, and eat some bussin cake from a gas station.

Friday was eclectic, as Elder Juncker and I recovered from the other 5 days of nastiness, so we mostly visited dots. However, I did accidentally serpentine in front of a cop who followed us a little more closely after that, and almost got stuck in a snow bank. Plus, I got assaulted. It was only snowballs from a small child, but still. It hurt.

Saturday started with absolute pettiness. An old friend of ours asked us to help with some community service and help plant a garden. Confused why were planting in January and where this garden is, we accept and Don our cowhide gloves and smiles. Both of those quickly stiffened as we learned this "community garden" was actually the property of 4runner Church, our local nondenominational abomination that doesn't require much of anything besides money to be saved. Plus, no one there had worked a DAY with yard tools, evident by the use of snow shovels to scrape off dead brush and leaf rakes being used in diverse and incorrect ways. However, my time in McMullin landscaping company had prepared me, and I started ripping planter box after planter box up with the worst shovel they had. Then, I swapped for a hoe, furrowing the dirt and tearing up roots with such veracity that E Juncker, Brother Shakin, and other parties were stopping and staring. I must admit, I am still sore down to the joints of my thumbs, but the only reason I pushed myself that hard was to outdo the Pastor and show that the Mormons can outwork anyone, anytime, anywhere. 

And boy did I stand my tilled ground on that one.

Then we staked out an econolodge for an hour because the Sister's recent convert asked us to, witnessed what I'm 90% sure was a drug deal, and then skedaddled to make church calls. Afterwards though, we came BACK to that same Econolodge and broke some privacy laws to find the guy were looking for. It turns out the desk guys at 8:30 are happy to give room numbers if you ask nicely, and so 10 min later we sounded down his door and let him know that God still loves him.

Sunday was a win, we put Dan on date during stake conference, racked up some LMPs and showed Dan/Cody the absolute swimming pool we have for a font. All in all it panned out, but it was the most stressful Stake conference I've ever had, and I needed to whip out my Gospel Kids coloring book to calm down.

Oh! And how could I forget- we're out of MSF, we have to drive to Virginia 3 separate times this week, the Currituck SIM is broken and can't call or text, and the roads are still iced up pretty good from our blizzard. But! I have my diet Coke, my friends, and the power of an Almighty God who can do anything- ANYTHING- ranging from splitting seas to virgin birth to helping the E city elders have a record-breaking KI week. 

Even if it was a sanity-breaking week.

Anyhoo, thanks for reading those text bricks, and I hope next week will be less eventful but just as fun. I wish all of you a great last week in January, and excited to talk to you again soon!

From the pri maddona plower of Pasquotank County,

Elder McMullin 

Photos! 

1: our local pet store got a Chinchilla. 

2: rub a dub dub our font is a tub

3: The mighty Chesapeake Zone- with NC DLC

4: using our pros time effectively and spiritually, as always.

5: bowling!

6: The video that almost killed Elder McMullin, because a bad game of telephone from Elder McMullin told Elder McMullin pres wasn't happy.