More Secure Than An Anonymous Swiss Bank Account

Hello hello hello again everyone! Coming live from the only area where you’ll see a Lamborghini cut off a Ferrari, it’s Elder McMullin! As always, feel free to send me any lockpick sets or pieces of cured meat, and I will happily accept. But, without further ado, here we go!

This week was pretty meh for work, but we did put Cameron on date! I was personally not there for that momentous occasion (dang exchanges) but I hear it went really well. Besides that, it's been a heck ton of parking lot grinding, especially since we’ve been booted from all of the “good” places like Walmart, and are now down to the places like “Wellesley court” featuring not one, but two hibachi restaurants and a dog training facility. Do people like us there? No. Do we stay anyway because strip mall employees cannot kick you out? Absolutely yes. Besides that, most of our lessons fell through, except with some of our baptist friends we wound up in another altercation with.

     You see, we were at Ross (another of the subpar strip places) and talked to Jordan, who seemed very interested in what we believe. He shared that he was Baptist, but listened intently as we explained some of our parallel interests and differences. Nodding along, we thought that maybe- just maybe- he was jiving with the Holy Ghost. We even got an RA at our church building, which never happens, and we were so excited to let him feel the spirit of the building.

But twas not to be.

    We get a text about 5 minutes beforehand that he’s bringing his good friend Dan, and then we go to town on each other in the back of the cultural hall. They start bringing up touchy subjects like the Lorenzo Couplet and problems of Eternity, while we patiently wait and explain. It hit its high point when Jordan signalled to the same vague spot on the chapel roof about 5 times explaining the “infinite nature” of God, trying desperately to convince us that Jesus is Eternal. After we agree with him on that point, we make it about 2.5 seconds into the plan of Salvation before getting shot down again with *Trumpet noises* THE HISTORICAL ISSUES WITH THE BOOK OF MORMON. Boss was really, really concerned with the genetic studies that say “well, there's some Asiatic DNA in the Native American Population, so that's cool” and spin it to mean that the whole book was fantasy. At this point, they’re almost frothing at the mouth and it’s 9:15, so we politely make excuses and tell them we have to leave, at which point they throw up the indefatigable argument “either your right or we’re right. Either way, two of us go to Hell”. At which Elder Morgan gently smiles, walks towards the door, and says “No. If we’re right all of us go to Heaven. Have a great day.”

     Besides that nice little moment, transfers! I will be staying in the office of course, but Elder Morgan will be returning to Spanish work and I will be receiving Elder Miller! I knew him once upon a time south of the border, and so we at least have a working knowledge of each other going into the transfer. Besides that, we have 3 APs, my trainer is back and is now my DL, and a new zone got created, so fun all around. It should be a good one though, as President Hutchison hands the torch off to President Warburton, so change is on the horizon.

    To explain the title line, we had a lot of fun with the temple this week. Cameron, before we put him on date, watched a baptismal service at our stake center. He felt the Spirit super strongly, and enjoyed every minute of it. However he had just worked for 72 straight hours and was not super with us, so he left his flip phone and wallet in the bathroom. Since we no longer knock, we have no idea where this guy lives or how to get his phone back to him, so we gingerly leave it on the handicap button outside with a note scotch-taped to the door saying “Please pick up if you are Cameron”. This was an inspired solution until it started raining, when the distribution center lady noticed it and lovingly took it in to the actual lost and found. However, when the center closed, she realized no one would be able to access the phone behind locked doors. So, in true senior member style, she walks the 500 feet necessary over to the temple and turns it in there. Once Elder Morgan and I hear about this, we realize how much of a problem this actually is, as instead of one senior citizen guarding this dang phone its 4, who are ready and willing to stop anyone from entering. It’s a bit like she took it from the bank and deposited it in Fort Knox for “safekeeping”. Anyways, Elder Morgan and I rush over to retrieve the phone as Cameron will have no idea where it is or how to get it back, and bust into the House of the Lord in short sleeve pros shirts and brightly colored ties- much to the dismay of the desk workers. After requesting the phone, they tried to escort us back to the office, but Elder Morgan forgot his recommend and we weren’t allowed to move past the desk. Wary of the large elderly men guarding the hallway from those unworthy, we shuffle awkwardly to the corner of the room and wait as they retrieve the phone. Once deposited, we get several nasty looks from the workers who think we’re using non-mission approved software in our diabolical plans (as if a flip phone could possibly be of use to us) as they grudgingly hand it over to the Apostates in front of them. Once we explained the whole situation, they lightened up dramatically and even waved us out, restoring order to the world and my hope in the Richmond Temple staff.

   Anyways, I hope yall have a great rest of your week, and talk to you again soon! 

From your favorite Temple Run simulation expert,

Elder McMullin

Photos!

Absolutely gas burger

In a word: conked

Me, trying to slim Jim a car using my belt and a piece of beef Jerky

Ameri-CAN!!!